My Supports
The Word of God:
In the last two years, or for that matter the last ten years, my life took a turn for the worse, and for me it was not alcohol or drugs, for I never did either of them, but the lost of family and marriage and finances that really shook me. God was the one strong hold in my life, that even on my worse of days, I could cry out too, and he kept me. I am not perfect, and I have many things to answer to on judgment day, but I was trained up in the proper way, and so I knew how to find my way back. My grandma, taught me the scripture at a young age. "Train a child up in the way they should go, and when they get old, they shall not depart." I remember that and I remind myself of that daily in dealing with my own children, because children only get use to the influence that you surround them with. They look for guidance from their parents, and they mimmick what they see, whether we want to admit the truth or not. I see God as my strength, my support and my life; and everyday is a challenge to stay on onboard but the reality without Christ, is so overwhelming that imagining that would be life altering. I am not deserving of his Love, but I am thankful daily that he has not given up on me, that he loves me, and that he never forsakes me. A life without Christ is DEATH, and I don't want to be left behind to experience that.
My children:
My children Gabriella, Joshua, Jeffrey, Nickolas and Abigail (their sister), are a very positive strength in my life. Because of them, I keep dreaming, and I never stop trying to improve. They inspire me to grow and love more, and it's through their strengths and grace, that I smile, even through the tears, because they help me to look forward to tomorrow, which God has not promised. A life without my children would be empty, because they are a part of me and my love for them is priceless. One day they will grow up and have families of their own that they cherish, and so I cherish them now, because they are my future, and the future of those to come. Do I wish things were different, "Yes, of course", but what is in the past, is in the past, and the task that we have before us now, is to take today and make it better than yesterday.
My mother:
My mother is a constant strength in my life, though she like to safe guard me and control me. I was never a child that got in trouble growing up. I had a few minor issues, but for the most part, my mom never had to come to the school for violence, she never had to put me in youth homes, she never had to warn me about drugs and alcohol, and I since I never dated in school at all, boys were not issues/sex. She lost a son who was 22 and it changed her, and so she over protects me to the point that I feel sometimes like I am not entitled to make my own decisions. But overall, I know she loves me dearly, she would do anything to help me, and that she means well, and with all of that said, I could not imagine a life without her. It would be painful and apart of me would be lost. I try to cherish, what we have now and remember the good days because with life and its ups and down, so much of it can get in the way of happiness, and when we finally wake-up in most cases it's to late.
Husband (a support that I desire and want in my near future)
I desire to settle down and get married before my boys get to old to vision happiness and the real love of a compete family. Yes, I was married to my children's father, but it was complicated and detailed and it was not meant to be. I want my children to realize what a two parent home is and how it can function, even in kais. Having a real, God-fearing, devoted husband would be helpful in caring for my children, dividing up daily task, companionship, and support physically, mentally, and spiritually. I manage now, but I would be lying if I said it was easy. I have to be in four places at one time, and of course someone always gets left out. I have to deal with trying to remember everything, and shopping with four in Walmart, trying to balance homework, when all the kids want their time on the computer and help with assignment, which I might add, are extremely long and detailed. I don't want a title, I want a union that will withstand the "test of time" and will wade out the storms of life. If my future husband has God as his guide, then I can submit and take his lead.
